Pearls of Wisdom: Dressing with Dignity in Dementia Care

Pearls of Wisdom: Dressing with Dignity in Dementia Care

Pearls of Wisdom: Dressing with Dignity in Dementia Care

dressing with dignity

Real-Life Wisdom

Insights from grannies’ caregiving journeys, offering love, resilience, and faith-based advice.

Community and Connection

Building a supportive network for sharing experiences and fostering connections.

Faith-Focused Approach

Incorporating spirituality in dementia care, with scriptural insights and a blessing each episode.

Our Latest Episode

Key Takeaways

In this episode of Grannie’s Talkin’ Dementia, hosts Rayna Neises and Tonja Moon, in cahoots with The Grand Baby Projects, share insights into the whimsical yet profound wisdom relating to caregiving in dementia. The episode highlights the significance of National Wear Your Pearls Day, founded by DeAnna Heard, emphasizing resilience and the beauty that comes from adversity, much like how a pearl forms from a grain of sand. The hosts discuss the historical importance of pearls and their personal memories associated with them.

The conversation transitions into exploring the importance of clothing in caregiving, including adaptive clothing designed to make dressing easier and maintain dignity for individuals with dementia.

Additionally, the episode touches on dementia doll therapy and the role of adaptive clothing in enhancing comfort and independence for those with cognitive and physical challenges. Links to adaptive clothing resources and community engagement for sharing tips are encouraged.

00:29 National Wear Your Pearls Day

01:56 The History and Significance of Pearls

04:40 Personal Stories and Memories with Pearls

09:13 Dressing and Dementia Care

11:39 Challenges and Solutions in Dressing

14:31 Adaptive Clothing for Dementia

26:32 Engaging with Dementia Patients through Clothing

34:14 Final Thoughts and Blessings

Transcript
*Transcript is an actual recount of the live conversation

[00:00:00] Rayna Neises: Welcome to Granny’s Talkin’ Dementia. We’re your hosts, Rayna Neises

[00:00:06] Tonja Moon: Tonja Moon, and we’re in cahoots with The Grand Baby Projects.

[00:00:10] Rayna Neises: offering whimsical wisdom, inspiring support, and joyful engagement for everyone involved in the dementia care journey, whether you’re a family caregiver.

[00:00:19] Tonja Moon: or a professional in the field. Each episode is designed to uplift, educate, and empower you as we navigate this caregiving life

[00:00:28] Rayna Neises: Tonja did you know that it will be wear your pearls day on December 15th?

[00:00:35] Tonja Moon: What? I did not even know there was a such as Wear your pearls day./

[00:00:39] Rayna Neises: Isn’t that crazy? I love these national days. It gave us our theme for today’s episode. And it is all about what we wear, but wearing your pearls was a holiday that was founded by Deanna Burkert, who was very successful in the corporate work, but then she found something that was more important to her.

[00:00:58] And that was sharing her love of Jesus Christ and of her fellow man through inspirational speaking and writing. Literal pearls are not necessary to celebrate the day. Although it’s a lot of fun to wear pearls, at least I think it is. But really this day is about the adversity that we all go through in our lives, which doesn’t defeat us, but it makes us more valuable and more beautiful, just like the grain of sand that gets stuck in the oyster. And it causes that formation of that precious gem, the pearl. National Wear Your Pearls Day is the ideal time to assess yourself of what you are a resilient resourceful and beautiful human being.

[00:01:39] Tonja Moon: Well, I’d be darned. That’s crazy. You know, I just always associate pearls with, the older generation. Because I just can see my grandmother wearing her pearls. But so tell me a little bit more about this, this history. This is so interesting.

[00:01:56] Rayna Neises: So pearls were actually some of the oldest gems that have ever been discovered. They were revered for such a long time throughout written history. In fact, we know that pearls were worn for adornment for thousands of years. And just even fragments of pearls and jewelry with pearls in them have been found all the way back in 420 BC, which they’re also now on display, even in Paris and different places, but pearls were gifts to a Chinese royalty in the early 2300 BC, while in ancient Rome, pearl jewelry was also considered to be the ultimate status symbol. In fact, Julius Caesar passed a law limiting the wearing of pearls to only the ruling class. Isn’t that crazy?

[00:02:42] Tonja Moon: That is wild. That is so, yes. I mean, who knew that’s unbelievable. Okay. So, is like National Wear your Pearls Day, is it like, Just kind of a concept or do we really have to wear pearls that day? Like what’s the deal?

[00:03:02] Rayna Neises: that’s a great question. So I love the fact that, Deanna came up with the concept and definitely wear your pearls. I mean, come on, pull them out. Even I have some great, well, our grainy picture. I have those great big giant pearls on. I love pearls. I think they’re beautiful and definitely very classy.

[00:03:18] But National Wear Your Pearls Day doesn’t really require you to wear pearls. It’s more about the understanding and you don’t even have to have a religious affiliation. It’s just a day that set aside for you to really take a moment and look at your own life and recognize what it is that you’ve gone through in your life.

[00:03:35] That’s made you who you are. And if you have real pearls, I say go for it and go ahead and show them off.

[00:03:45] Tonja Moon: I mean, I don’t think that we, you know, when you really take a minute and sit back and think about how hard it is for a pearl to become a pearl, I mean, it would be interesting to see like how long that process is. I mean, I have no idea, but it’s gotta be pretty long.

[00:04:05] Rayna Neises: Well, and it’s that little sand that gets in there and it’s kind of the oyster’s way of protecting itself. So it’s that scar that then gets wrapped in the beauty of the way the pearl is formed as those layer after layer of them protecting themselves to that irritant.

[00:04:24] Tonja Moon: My gosh, that’s crazy. So just think of that little teeny tiny piece of sand. You know, and it reminds me of like the faith of a mustard seed, how tiny, how tiny, tiny, tiny. That is so amazing. You know, I’ve talked a lot about my grandmother and how she used to dress and she was always dressed head to toe. I mean, head to toe. Every Sunday she had a new outfit to go to church and that outfit typically had the hat, the new purse, the shoes, all the accessories that matched. And so she did, she loved her pearls. And I remember like, um, a pearl brooch, you know, you used to see women wear brooches all the time and it’s not that common anymore. But I remember seeing pearl brooches on lots of older women when I was a child going to church with my grandmother. Oh

[00:05:21] Rayna Neises: My mom had this three strands of real pearls necklace that we were having a dress up day at school for the 50s and she let me wear her pearls to school.

[00:05:34] Tonja Moon: my God. Wow.

[00:05:37] Rayna Neises: I lost them.

[00:05:39] Tonja Moon: You lost your pearls?

[00:05:40] Rayna Neises: You knew that was coming, didn’t You Yes.

[00:05:42] Tonja Moon: No, of course.

[00:05:43] Rayna Neises: Yep. I lost him.

[00:05:45] Tonja Moon: Oh,

[00:05:46] Rayna Neises: I will never forget that. I was so, she, I came home. I had no idea. I came home and she’s like, where’s the necklace? And I’m like, Oh,

[00:05:56] Tonja Moon: my goodness. Now. I do remember. I don’t, it must have been for an anniversary present or something. My dad got my mom, this beautiful string of pearls and, oh, my goodness. She just You know, treasured them but they were very much something that was kind of put away not to bother, not to touch. I mean they were like sacred. We’ve seen in fashion like sometimes you’ll see, um, pearls coming back in the winter when you’ll see things like adorned with pearls and sweaters and kind of stuff like that. But what an amazing, cool story That’s fascinating that it all starts with a little teeny tiny grain of sand and then it’s really unique, a unique day for us to step back and think about all that we’ve accomplished.

[00:06:39] I just, I love that. I love that.

[00:06:41] Rayna Neises: well, those little teeny tiny irritants that we experienced, especially as caregivers, we have to choose to allow the beautiful things to come out of those things. And I do think it comes from spending time to reflect and, and to really think about, all the blessings that we have, even in the middle of the heartache. I think this is an amazing holiday and I hope that everybody will celebrate with us on the 15th and wear their pearls. For

[00:07:07] Tonja Moon: you have to go on our Facebook page. Grady’s talking dementia and we need like everybody posting pictures of themselves wearing their pearls. I mean, how cool is that? And what a fun. story or conversation to sit and have with your loved one that is living with dementia and showing them pearls and maybe doing some reminiscence with them and just to get their reaction and see what they say. And wow, that, that could really, um, result in some, some really nice meaningful moments out there.

[00:07:47] Rayna Neises: sure. I agree.

[00:07:48] Now that you know all about National Wear Your Pearls Day. I know that you will join us on December 15th. Let’s take a break and learn more about our sponsors. We’ll be right back.

[00:07:59] Tonja Moon: The Grandbaby Project is a non profit organization dedicated to enriching the lives of those with dementia one couple at a time through the innovative use of dementia doll therapy. In a world where every moment matters, the Grandbaby Project brings a beacon of light and love to those navigating the journey of dementia.

[00:08:20] Imagine a gift that opens doors to joy, connection, and cherished memories even in the midst of challenges. Our therapy dolls are more than just companions. They’re catalysts for moments of happiness and peace for your loved one living with dementia. Crafted with care, our dolls offer comfort, evoke nurturing instincts, and spark delightful interactions.

[00:08:43] Join us in embracing the future where empathy, compassion and innovative care redefined the dark journey of dementia, the grand baby project where we go beyond memories. We cultivate compassion and inspire action. Discover how you can make a difference

[00:09:00] Rayna Neises (2): Welcome back. We’ve been talking about the amazing holiday of Wear Your Pearl’s Day. And how those pearls are so meaningful and they’ve been around for forever. We’re going to talk more about how dressing impacts those living with dementia.

[00:09:17] Rayna Neises: Everybody dresses differently in our generation we’re definitely not dressing up like your granny used to, and she was on her way to church. My dad definitely had a specific way that he liked to dress. One of the big things was he liked his blue jeans and his belts. He always had a belt on with his blue jeans and he always had everything tucked in. He wore an undershirt underneath everything, even when he went to play sports and things like that. But I think dressing can be one of those challenges that we deal with. How did you handle Nanny’s dressing when she was struggling more?

[00:09:54] Tonja Moon: You know, it was, It was really hard because, her last few years, she was in a, skilled nursing facility or community she was on the long term care hallway. She was so feisty before she got her dementia doll that, um, listen, just getting her dressed was an accomplishment. Who cared if it matched? But the thing that was so hard, it wasn’t so much the dressing her. It was, we were so grateful to get her dressed that what was lost was It was very hard for me and other, other people in our family to see her just disheveled and maybe not matching I remember even, even the last days to see her with, a stain or anything on her, her little nightgown. Oh my gosh, it would just break me into a million pieces because she would never, ever. Leave the house if there was something on her, like a stain or discoloration. I mean, that just no appearance was everything. And that was really, really, really hard that, that was, that was tough to see. So it was, you know, it was, of course, it’s always about maintaining her dignity or your, your the person that you’re caring for, but in so many ways, it’s, it was also like, oh, I just didn’t want to let her down. And if she knew that this is how she looked, she would be disappointed in me or us for allowing it to happen. And so you kind of have to get over that hump, obviously, because she was just in her own world.

[00:11:38] She was happy. She didn’t care. Um, but, but the dressing situation, the more that I, I work with people with dementia nowadays and work along with communities and things like that, it is a big, big, big problem and it is a big, huge challenge because, the people have to be up, they have to be dressed, they have to be dressed appropriately.

[00:12:01] At least in the senior care community world, it is part of a caregiver’s task to take the pajamas off and put on the clothes for the day. And, that is a big task, because if that person doesn’t want that, then, You’ve got a big challenge on your hands, a big, big challenge on your hands.

[00:12:19] And so you have this internal battle of, do I let them be happy or do I accomplish the task list, which says they have to be dressed for the day appropriately. Um, that’s, that’s real hard. I know that caregivers in senior care communities, really, really, that is a big, big challenge. Mornings are going to afternoons very quickly and very easily.

[00:12:41] Rayna Neises: One of the things that I thought was really important as we cared for my dad was really looking at how he did his routines. And I actually was talking to a lady that was talking about dressing her mom and trying to help. And she was putting the shirt over her mom’s head and then trying to direct her arm through one side and the other side.

[00:13:01] And she said one time she was a little late and her mom was a little more with it that day. And her mom put her own shirt on and she walked in the room while her mom was dressing herself. And she said, I’d never seen anybody do this before, but she stuck one arm in and then she put the hole of her head and then she stuck the other arm in.

[00:13:20] And she said, as soon as I started dressing her that way, letting her put one arm in, put it over her head and then put the other arm in, We didn’t fight over it. And so I think it’s so interesting because simple things like that, that’s our routine. That’s how we’re used to it. And when somebody else is trying to do it for us, yes, they’re, they’re trying to help, but when they’re trying to impose their way of doing it on us, then it becomes challenging.

[00:13:45] It’s really important to take a look at, you know, how do they put their pants on? And how do they, do they always sit down? Do they standup, you know, there’s just so much more to it than just putting clothes on. And so I think sometimes really studying the person that we’re taking care of and seeing how they do it for themselves can make such an impact. As that ability diminishes and they can’t do it for themselves. We’re just assisting versus taking over.

[00:14:11] Tonja Moon: right. And it is so easy just to take over

[00:14:14] Rayna Neises: It is, we think it is, but it really isn’t. It really, it’s really easier to, to do it with them than rather than do it to them to quote Teepa. I Teepa Snow always says want to do it with them not to them. And that really is a mindset shift that can make such a big difference. But another thing that I’ve found, we didn’t use this, but I’ve just been amazed at how much adaptive clothing has changed in the last few years. It’s amazing. Tonja, and I will explore how adaptive clothing has changed and how helpful it can be after this message from our sponsor.

[00:14:51] Tonja Moon: Dementia Engagement Strategies, your partner in dementia care training. Dementia Engagement Strategies, or DES, is a dedicated training partner formed from the successful and unique non profit, The Grandbaby Project. DES is committed to elevating dementia care Through specialized engagement and enrichment training offerings, including the only dementia doll therapy certification available in the USA, DES was established on the understanding that delivering dementia therapy dolls, while impactful, was just the beginning.

[00:15:26] Caregivers whether in senior care communities or at home, require education to maximize the benefits of dementia doll therapy and other non pharmacological interventions. Our curriculum is designed to empower real world techniques that can be immediately applied, ensuring tangible results in the care and support of individuals with dementia.

[00:15:49] Our offerings are not just limited to those in the senior care community. Whether you’re a professional caregiver or caring for a loved one at home, DES provides both virtual and in person training options. Our goal is to empower caregivers with the knowledge and skills needed to make a meaningful difference in the lives of those affected by dementia. Online curriculum is coming soon.

[00:16:10] It’s designed to impart real world techniques that can be immediately applied, ensuring tangible results in the care and support of individuals with dementia. Visit our website@dementiaengagementstrategies.com and join our waiting list to get a firsthand look at our course offerings.

[00:16:30] Rayna Neises (2): So adaptive clothing, you know, most adaptive clothing came from adaptations from general market clothing, the comfort, which began to increase, in the 1950s with new technologies being brought into clothing, like elastic waistbands, and stretchy fabrics. Adaptive clothing is really been created to be utilized by people with all different kinds of disabilities from wheelchair usage, to people with visual disabilities, to those with disabilities that we can’t even see, but we, they still find themselves limited by the construction of typical clothes. So adaptive clothing, it’s such an interesting thing, and it really seems to be taking off and growing and improving in overall appearance these days.

[00:17:17] Tonja Moon: So let’s talk about that a little bit because that’s an area that I’m not familiar with in the world of dementia. I sometimes, see some things used when I’m out working with senior care communities, but I think that it’s becoming more and more prevalent, but I think that it’s also something that’s, that’s fairly new.

[00:17:37] And so, I’m glad that we’re having this conversation because it’s a great learning tool for me personally, because I, I was not when I thought when I think of adaptive clothing, my mind immediately goes to. Perhaps someone in a wheelchair or someone who has special needs in a different way beyond, cognitive needs. And so I’m, I’m excited that you brought that up because, that is just an area of dementia that I haven’t paid a lot of attention to, frankly.

[00:18:09] Rayna Neises: Well, I think it’s been growing and there’s such a need for it, but I love the way that , it’s growing into not those funny looking clothes, not that you would look at it and say, Oh, they look like they have a hospital gown on, which is kind of what it’s always looked like before. It was just open in the back, that kind of thing.

[00:18:26] But it’s actually turning into this whole great line of clothing for seniors. Otherwise maybe known as geriatric clothing. If you were Search for it, but it’s really all different kinds of apparel that have different closures, different things to consider mobility, sensitivity. If you have, compromise motor skills, physical disabilities, and then that cognitive side.

[00:18:49] So it definitely is starting to look at a lot more fashionable. It’s made to be more easily slipped on and slipped off, or Uh, on the other hand, some, people who have dementia have a tendency to want to take off their clothing. And so when they’re, fighting that, then it’s just fastened in a way that isn’t as easy for them to be able to access it to do that.

[00:19:11] So that helps to keep the clothing on, but it definitely can be fashionable as far as the patterns and all the things that they’re doing now. So many of them, when you look at them, you wouldn’t know that it was adaptive clothing, which I think is amazing.

[00:19:25] Tonja Moon: You know, interesting. I, I met with a gentleman a few weeks ago who, has a medical supply company and, but their focus is on urinary products and various catheters and different things like this. And he had mentioned that, they do make pants now for men and women where, if someone has a colostomy bag, for example, that it can be hidden and you wear these special pants and they’re just slacks and you wouldn’t know it.

[00:19:53] And I was like, oh, my gosh, are you kidding? I’ve never seen this, but I guess that’s the point, right? you would, you would see it and not see it. So, I mean, I think about what a difference that would have made during my time with Nanny and during my time of caring for her, just in my own kind of quote head and how I would have felt around her looking better and me not, you know, being so focused on the emotional part of it.

[00:20:24] So I think that it’s. Yeah, I mean, it’s time, right? I mean, it’s probably past nine, but it’s, it’s definitely an amazing, an amazing concept. So where, okay, so keep talking, but I want to know where you find this.

[00:20:39] Rayna Neises: so you can search, there’s all different companies out there and we will definitely add some links to our show notes page to some different companies that are offering some great lines. But I love to that part of what’s going into adaptive clothing is the thought of helping people stay independent. So when we’re looking at someone with dementia, getting some things that are easier to do. And I, Immediately thought of when I read that, I thought, Oh my gosh, there’s this amazing zipper that has a magnet at the bottom. So instead of having to thread that little part into the zipper and hold it down and zip it up, the magnet puts those two pieces together and then allows you just to zip it.

[00:21:18] The number of times that I had to chase my dad down and say, Oh dad, let me help you with that. Oh, it would have been amazing if he could have just continued to zip his own coat. That’s what he wanted to do. That’s what he tried to do. And he would get so frustrated with me whenever I would try to step in and take care of it because he just wanted to do it himself.

[00:21:36] Just some amazing things like that. So common things they’re finding, helping them to undress. Um, being able to have anti slip features, that are designed for difficult for the wear to take off in order to be able to, again, keep them from stripping when they shouldn’t, but the best example of an anti strip clothing is a fastener, that might be placed just in the back. So it’s not that they’re tied in, but just something that’s not easy for them to be able to take off. So it is amazing, they’re making them look like you said, normal, I guess is the right word we want to use, but at the same time having these adaptions as a part of

[00:22:19] Tonja Moon: Sure. Sure. Well, I mean, I would like the zipper magnet thing for myself because listen, as, as you, you know, if you wear glasses and bifocals, good Lord, I mean, everything just gets harder. So that, that is so cool. Okay. One thing that we always are concerned about, um, from a cost perspective, have you noticed that adaptive clothing is. In alignment with just normal, regular costs, or have you seen it’s a little bit more expensive? I mean, I guess just like anything else you’d have to shop right? Just shop around.

[00:22:59] Rayna Neises: Overall, they are more, especially ones that are more fashionable are more expensive. A good quality clothing is not cheap anyway, but it definitely is to get something that doesn’t just look like a hospital gown, The things like having tags on them or having grab loops to just pull the pants up and down can be really helpful. Again, you’re getting a little bit more cost in that. There are a variety of different cost points, but definitely. You’re looking at a little bit more of an investment than just heading to Walmart, that’s for sure.

[00:23:30] Tonja Moon: Sure. Sure. Huh? That’s amazing. That’s amazing. If you think about someone in a wheelchair who spends the majority of their time sitting, you know, it can just become very uncomfortable with their pants constantly sliding down onto their hips or whatever. Or, I just think of me if I’m driving a long distance or I’m in Houston. So if I just drive across Houston, that’s two hours and how uncomfortable you can get just sitting and driving. And so having, A nice pair of pants that are adjustable or that aren’t just so binding, I could see would make just a world of difference.

[00:24:09] Rayna Neises: They actually make pants that have a higher back to them. And so that they won’t slide down as easily. And we don’t have the, plumbers rear going on. Especially for those that are sitting a lot. So there’s ones that are made to just go up a little higher in order to make it more comfortable and to make that challenge not as difficult.

[00:24:30] The other thing that I love is the magnetic closures. They have amazing dress shirts or they look like button down shirts. They have a button on them, but instead of a button that they have to put, you know, weave through the little hole, it’s just a magnet. And so again, it can look really sharp

[00:24:48] Tonja Moon: Yeah.

[00:24:48] Rayna Neises: it being,

[00:24:50] Tonja Moon: And, you know, if you just think about that for a minute, think about the way that your dad would have felt and just the accomplishment of Zipping up that jacket or putting on that quote unquote button down shirt. I mean, what an amazing, amazing, accomplishment. Right.

[00:25:15] Rayna Neises: lives. Like you talked about Nanny and what she wore. We can look like ourselves, we feel better. People comment all the time that I look dressed up. It’s just me. This is what I wear every day. I don’t dress for anyone else. I dress for myself and this is what I’m comfortable in. So it’s not a sweats and a t shirt every day for me. I’m typically have a nice blouse on. That’s just how I like to wear. And so I hope that I will always get to choose and always get to wear what makes me feel like me. And for my dad, he worked in an office for years. He always wore a button down. He didn’t love a tie, but in his casual times, he wore a polo. So he was more likely to grab a polo than to wear just a t shirt when he was going out to dinner or something, but he was athletic. So he did enjoy t shirts and sweats when he was playing sports.

[00:26:05] So as his disease progressed, we ended up going to athletic clothing Pretty much all the time. So we didn’t have to change from the jeans and the polo to the athletic clothing to go to the gym or to go to play volleyball. But I think, again, just options give us all more opportunity to feel like ourselves and that gives us a better quality of life.

[00:26:28] Yeah.

[00:26:31] Tonja Moon: cool thing.

[00:26:31] So, you know, with the grand baby projects, our Dementia Doll Therapy programming, we use dressing and undressing. It is a major component of our entire program. So we hand select all of the clothing for our dementia therapy dolls. We select the clothing based on texture so that it can offer tactile stimulation.

[00:26:59] So things like sweaters, fleece, corduroy, even lace, anything that feels different brings comfort. One of the major exercises that we teach and we train caregivers to do is to dress one of the baby dolls in layers with different textures. And when your loved one is feeling agitated or sundowning or even lonesome and is trying to isolate, engage them to help you undress the baby or the doll, whichever they think it is.

[00:27:34] And just the mere act of trying to unbutton or unzip a sweater takes a very, very long time. Obviously the further their disease has progressed. And so It’s a hand eye coordination dexterity challenge for the person living with dementia, but for the caregiver, it buys you a significant amount of time. So it can take someone 25, 30 minutes to completely undress that doll all the way down to the newborn diaper.

[00:28:08] what would you do with 25 or 30 extra minutes? Well, I know that whenever I cared for, for nanny or, I’m sitting with her or whatever, it was less time I had to walk with her as she was pacing and pacing and pacing or sundowning or searching for an escape or, whatever. And a lot of times people always ask me, why do they do that?

[00:28:30] Why do they do that? And of course it is a brain problem, but it’s also due to boredom. and that’s something that we forget about. And so if you can elicit their help and help me change the baby or let’s change the clothes because we’re going to go somewhere and it’s too cold and the baby needs this or, whatever.

[00:28:51] It’s such a great exercise for, The person to do, but also such a nice little mild break for the caregiver. And so I can just imagine like a fleece jacket with the magnets or, my dad loves to wear, he likes, he started wearing in the past few years and during the winter, um, these vest, just a vest.

[00:29:15] And I often think about, he doesn’t zip them, but just a vest. And, I always think about, you know, how. If hopefully not, dementia ever comes calling, um, how he will be affected by the way that he dressed. Cause he’s very much like a polo type person. And so, he’s not one that’s just going to sit around in pajama pants all day.

[00:29:38] That is not him. And he’s a big guy and he’s strong. And I, I’ve thought about, Oh my goodness, how that’s going to be. A nightmare, frankly, because he knows the difference. So I just, I love this conversation. I love that things are becoming more adaptable and there is passion in fashion. So I love fact, um, yeah, our, our sweet little precious, family members and friends with dementia can still be fashionable. They deserve it.

[00:30:11] Rayna Neises: Yeah.

[00:30:11] Tonja Moon: Absolutely.

[00:30:12] Rayna Neises: I think one thing too, as a family caregiver, I always, when we found something he liked, we bought multiples because fashions change and just the tennis shoes, if you got too much color on it, he didn’t like it. He wanted what he had always worn. And so he, Sometimes that can be a big issue. And so you want to think ahead and go ahead and get multiples of things that they do like and are comfortable in things change. We know that, but there are a lot of those kinds of things that really don’t change what they prefer and what makes them feel like them. So I think it’s an important conversation to have and to really be considerate of, because like you said, part of the dignity of caring for them is to being their advocate when they can’t do that for themselves.

[00:31:00] And just because it’s clothers doesn’t mean it is them. I think allowing them to still express their, their personality and who they are is, is a beautiful gift. And I love with the grand babies that again, you can adjust that as well. In the beginning, you know, it might be matching those conversations that you’re having and putting those outfits together, doing that. Yeah. Even just given some options and let the person choose what they wanna dress the baby in that day, to then, as they can’t make those choices. And that’s overwhelming to, like you said, just undressing to get to that diaper and put something simple like a sleeper on or a. Getting to the point where you’re talking again.

[00:31:41] I mean, great conversation. The sun’s out. What kind of clothes do you think the baby needs today? Are you chilly? Do you need a jacket? Do you think the baby needs a jacket? Just being able to in the moment, have those natural conversations bring so much value that in the moment purpose for both of you in what you’re doing.

[00:32:02] Tonja Moon: Right. It’s amazing how little things like that, when you’re in the midst of caregiving, really you’re in the heart and soul of it and you are feeling tired, exhausted, discouraged, man, getting dad to put on a shirt that he likes that he’s comfortable in is a gigantic win. And it is a great time to step back and be like, you know, a little high five for myself because

[00:32:30] it works.

[00:32:31] Rayna Neises: Yeah, for sure. And shoes. I mean, I think sometimes we don’t think about shoes, but shoes are another one of those things that as people progress, being able to tie the shoe is frustrating. When they have an untied shoe, they see. it and they want to fix it. Their brain’s thinking, I need to fix that, but they don’t know how anymore.

[00:32:50] And so finding those things like adaptive shoes, have more Velcro, they have those slip ons that you don’t have to bend over to get in. And I think of my little Noah, who is my little Grand Baby, and he has these adorable cowboy boots and they have Velcro closures.

[00:33:08] Tonja Moon: oh my

[00:33:08] Rayna Neises: so they’re so easy to get on his feet because those fat little feet don’t fit in all the shoes.

[00:33:13] And so I slide them in there and put that Velcro on there. And I thought about the other day, I’m like, right, there’s adaptive clothing for my little Noah. So there’s all different kinds available for people. And.

[00:33:24] Tonja Moon: That’s amazing. That is so cool. And so Rayna will you link some of those things that you found? Okay. To our like show notes. So I can’t wait to see them. I think that’s so awesome.

[00:33:37] Rayna Neises: Yeah, definitely. We want to be able to share so that people can find what works for them. And definitely if you have suggestions, you have a brand that you’re using, or you found something that’s unusual, took you forever to find that’s just been the perfect thing for your person that you’re caring for.

[00:33:54] In our Facebook group, granny’s talking dementia on the show, page, there’s going to be comments underneath there. We would love to see your suggestions. And I can even move some of those over to our show notes page to be sure that everybody finds those as well. We’re a community and the more that we share those gems, the better we are.

[00:34:11] So.

[00:34:12] Tonja Moon: Absolutely.

[00:34:13] Rayna Neises: Definitely share.

[00:34:14] Tonja Moon: And wear your pearls on December 15th.

[00:34:17] Rayna Neises: 15th is Wear Your Pearls day. Thank you so much for joining us today. It’s been such a blessing to be able to be here with you on Granny’s Talking Dementia. We love to have fun, share stories and tips with you.

[00:34:31] Tonja Moon: Yes, absolutely. So, you know, we’ve got a great blessing and proverb to send you on your way with today. God is always right on time. So here you go.

[00:34:43] May you be clothed with strength and dignity, embracing each day with grace, just as pearls reflect beauty and resilience. Let laughter be your companion and fearlessness your guide as you navigate the journey of caregiving. Remember, you are cherished, capable, and never, ever alone. May you always carry the elegance of pearls in your spirit, shining bright in the face of challenges. Amen.

[00:35:11] Rayna Neises: Amen.

[00:35:13] Tonja Moon: Thanks, everybody.

We would love to hear your thoughts!

Leave a comment below.

Meet Our Hosts

Our podcast is guided by the dynamic duo, Tonja and Rayna, who bring a wealth of knowledge and charm to every episode. With their combined expertise, they delve deep into each topic, ensuring an engaging and informative experience for our listeners.

Tonja Moon
Tonja Moon

Host & Founder of The Grand Baby Project

With a heart as big as her smile, Tonja Moon brings a lifetime of wisdom and a knack for storytelling to “Grannies Talkin’ Dementia.” Founder of THE GRAND BABY PROJECT; a non-profit organization founded in my grandmother’s honor is focused on enriching the lives of Seniors living with dementia through the innovative use of dementia doll therapy. Through DES educating staff in Senior Care Communities and caregivers at home on the innovative techniques and research benefits related to doll therapy. Tonja’s faith has been her anchor, and she shares her experiences with a blend of humor, honesty, and hope, aiming to support and uplift others.

Rayna Neises
Rayna Neises

Host & Certified Coach and Author

As a Caregiving Coach, Author, and someone who has personally navigated the waters of caregiving for both of her parents who passed away from Alzheimer’s disease, bringing a wealth of knowledge and a compassionate heart to “Grannies Talkin’ Dementia.” Married to a farmer and a grandmother to delightful grandchildren who call me Graham, life is a blend of personal caregiving experiences and professional expertise. On mission to support family caregivers, especially Christian professional women, balancing caregiving and career with grace and faith. Practical, faith-filled, and always aimed at providing support and encouragement is Rayna’s calling card.

New Podcast Released 2nd & 4th Thursday

Grannies Talkin Dementia Podcast
Copyright © 2025 Grannies Talkin' Dementia. All Rights Reserved.

Embracing Gratitude in Dementia Care

Embracing Gratitude in Dementia Care

Embracing Gratitude in Dementia Care

ep 2 gratitude

Real-Life Wisdom

Insights from grannies’ caregiving journeys, offering love, resilience, and faith-based advice.

Community and Connection

Building a supportive network for sharing experiences and fostering connections.

Faith-Focused Approach

Incorporating spirituality in dementia care, with scriptural insights and a blessing each episode.

Our Latest Episode

Key Takeaways

In this heartwarming episode of Granny’s Talk in Dementia, hosts Rayna Neises and Tonja Moon collaborate with The Grand Baby Projects to offer whimsical wisdom and support for caregivers of individuals with dementia. The episode opens with discussions on the significance of Forget Me Not Day, highlighting the beauty and symbolism of these flowers in relation to Alzheimer’s awareness.

The hosts share deeply personal family memories tied to flowers, reflecting on their own experiences as family caregivers. They introduce the concept of gratitude as a pivotal tool for caregivers, emphasizing the importance of maintaining a positive perspective amidst challenges. The hosts also share practical exercises, including a ‘Yes, and’ improv technique, to help caregivers cultivate gratitude in their daily lives.

The episode concludes with a comforting blessing from Isaiah, offering listeners a sense of peace and guidance in their caregiving journey. This episode is filled with touching narratives, valuable insights, and practical tips, making it a must-listen for anyone involved in dementia care.

 

00:00 Introduction to Granny’s Talk in Dementia

00:28 Forget Me Not Day and Flower Memories

01:51 Family Flower Stories and Green Thumbs

05:02 Caregiving Stories and Challenges

09:02 The Importance of Gratitude in Caregiving

18:06 Practical Gratitude Exercises

24:32 Gratitude Activity and Blessing

Resources and Futher Reading

The Transformative Power of Gratitude in Caregiving

This is the article and free resource by Rayna Neises

Read more about improv and gratitude.

Start with Yes! A unique way to communicate with a persons living with dementia

Start with yes!

The Links above are affiliate links meaning we get a small payment for referring you to these products.

Transcript
*Transcript is an actual recount of the live conversation

[00:00:00] welcome to Granny’s Talk in Dementia. We are your hosts, Rayna Neises,

[00:00:06] Tonja Moon: And Tonja Moon, we are in cahoots with The Grand Baby Projects

[00:00:10] Rayna Neises: offering whimsical wisdom, inspiring support, and joyful encouragement for everyone involved in the dementia care journey, whether you’re a family caregiver.

[00:00:17] Tonja Moon: or a professional in the field. Each episode is designed to uplift, educate, and empower you as we navigate this caregiving life together.

[00:00:28] Rayna Neises: did you know that it was Forget Me Not day on November 10th? I love Forget Me Not flowers. That true blue forget Me Not plant displays. Clouds of tiny sky blue flowers. With those yellow centers and they’re perched on top of these really harry looking stems and they grow four inches to about a foot tall. And I just, it’s one of those flowers, it’s a perennial. So it self seeds and it blooms every year I adore Forget Me Nots and they are the flower that honors Alzheimer’s. So it always reminds me of my mom whenever I think Forget Me Not flowers.

[00:01:08] Tonja Moon: Yes. I stumbled upon them. I love one of my favorite pastimes is working in my yard and I get that from my grandmother and my mother and I, kind of stumbled upon them. Because I typically living in Texas only buy flowers for my yard that can withstand harsh Heat and sun with very little water. But the forget me nots come back year after year after year. And, I thought it was a weed, but it was so pretty. I just left them alone. And, I saw them at Home Depot and you could buy them. And I was like, oh, it’s not a weed. But, yeah, They’re just sweet, sweet, cute little gifts from God that he just pops up for us, you know, just one of those things he sprinkles around for us.

[00:01:51] But, my grandmother had a green thumb and, I think I get that from her, her favorite flowers though, were roses. She liked red roses. My grandfather, though, I think when I think of my grandparents and flowers, I think of him because his favorite were yellow roses and He was actually a long haul truck driver, so he would go on trips, for weeks and weeks or sometimes a month at a time. And, he actually had painted on the door of his truck, his 18 wheeler a yellow rose. And so every time I see yellow roses, I think of him. And of course, Nanny loves roses in general. She, she was one of the rose people before rose roses and mixing different seeds of roses or pollen was a cool thing. She loved roses of all sorts. So roses make me think of my parents for sure.

[00:02:57] Rayna Neises: Yeah, so I married the green thumb. I did not inherit a green thumb. Farmer takes care of it all, inside and out pretty much. I do really enjoy flowers. I have horrible allergies, so it’s, they’re nice to look at, but having them too close is not a good plan for me. Lots of sneezing and itchy eyes and those fun things. But my mom, I don’t remember my dad like treating my mom to flowers. Flowers. At all. Like not a part of my memory. Of course, mom was gone early in my life, but as a young girl, I don’t even really remember flowers being around a lot, but I sure love flowers. I especially love fake flowers.

[00:03:40] Tonja Moon: Listen, I said, I was never going to be the lady that planted fake flowers in my yard into like, after Hurricane Harvey, it just wiped out everything. And I quickly realized that, landscaping was so expensive. And so,, I’ve started using, fake flowers in my yard. And I think it looks great. I, I, I often wonder if my neighbors drive by and go, look, there’s that, that crazy lady with all those fake flowers. If they do, they’re very nice to my face, but, like it’s fall. But you know, in Texas, we don’t, we don’t really have seasons. It’s either hot or it’s not. And when it’s not, it’s still 80 degrees. And so like mums, okay. mums are not going to live here. People will buy them and put them out. I’m just kind of like, ah, well, my mums live, honey, because. They’ll be livin through it all.

[00:04:31] Rayna Neises: And I have the opposite problem in Kansas. Mums are beautiful, but it seems like they get frost pretty

[00:04:38] Tonja Moon: Oh,

[00:04:39] Rayna Neises: I’ll have a really pretty mum for a period of time on the porch and then. All of a sudden it’ll just start drooping and it’s because it’s gotten down to 40, 30 at night. Even in the fall, we can get 70 during the day, but 30 at night. We have that extreme temperature. That’s not always pretty for the fall, but we have the most gorgeous fall leaves

[00:04:58] Tonja Moon: Oh, I bet. I bet. I bet. We don’t.

[00:05:02] Rayna Neises: and leaves were one of the things, you know, thinking of my dad, he loved a manicured lawn.

[00:05:08] Tonja Moon: My grandmother

[00:05:08] Rayna Neises: so he definitely took a lot of pride in taking care of his lawn. So all through his progression of his disease taking care of and cleaning was really important to him. So he started with having to be almost OCD with getting the leaves out of the backyard.

[00:05:26] And then as that got to be too physically challenging for him, then he just focused on the porch. And I would often collect the leaves that he had swept up and put into little bags so that when he went back inside, I would scatter them over the porch again, so that he would have something to do the next time he noticed the porch. He would get the broom, get it all cleaned up. I would help him put him back into the bag and then I would use them again. And so we would have leaves well beyond when you should have leaves around the house because it was something that really gave him purpose. And that was so

[00:06:02] Tonja Moon: That is so interesting. It reminds me of a story with my grandmother when she was, in a skilled nursing community and I walked in to visit her one day and she got really upset with me because I did not tell her happy birthday and it was not her birthday. This is long before I knew anything about dementia. I began to tell her it wasn’t her birthday, which was a mute point. Then I went looking for the doctor, because I wanted them to fix her because she was obviously talking crazy. I got ahold of the doctor and I was like, I don’t know what you’re doing to her, but it’s just getting worse.

[00:06:33] And now she’s hallucinating. She thinks it’s her birthday. He was so calm and cool and collected it. And he just looked at me and he goes, so make it her birthday. And I said, you know what? You’re, you don’t even get what I’m saying. I’m like, I want a second opinion. And he was like, Tonya, this is part of it. Just make it her birthday. And I was like, Oh, this is just ridiculous. So the next day I brought her a happy birthday balloon and she was so excited. So we did the birthday thing for about three weeks. I actually got her a stuffed animal and I brought her the same stuffed animal over and over and over until one day I walked in and I was like, Hey, birthday girl. And she was like, what are you talking about? It’s not my birthday. And I was like, okay, well, I guess we’re past that stage. So that reminds me of the leaves with your dad. Yeah, we went through that too.

[00:07:17] Rayna Neises: I mean, you want to be honoring and respectful. It’s not like I scattered them out in front of him again, but it was just, I wanted them to reappear so that he would continue to be able to do that long past, the actual leaves falling from the two trees that were in the backyard.

[00:07:32] So it was a matter of really honoring that purpose, just joining in where they are. And it’s such an important thing. And can be really difficult because, you know, We think very black and white. And so that thinking puts us in a corner and we’ll put them in a corner and nobody does well in a corner. We all fight our way out. So we want to make sure that we’re joining them with where they are and helping to find those things that bring them joy and celebrate them over and over again, even if it’s leaves.

[00:08:00] Tonja Moon: Mean, it wasn’t a bad thing to go for almost three weeks thinking every single day was your Birthday

[00:08:07] Rayna Neises: Sounds fun to me.

[00:08:07] Tonja Moon: and everybody convinced every single day was her birthday. So, I mean, I don’t know who was the smart one, her or

[00:08:14] Rayna Neises: Exactly.

[00:08:15] Tonja Moon: she was.

[00:08:16] Rayna Neises: Oh, this caregiving journey, you often feel that way, don’t You It’s, do.

[00:08:22] Tonja Moon: I mean, I remember thinking well played Ruby. Well played, you know, and I remember thinking, I feel like I’m the tooth fairy. I just show up with something and so much of it is like that because you don’t know the day that they’re having, you don’t know really the day you’re having and on those days when your patients are wearing really thin because of just life, those are the days I think that It’s the hardest to meet them where they are because you just are exhausted

[00:08:50] Rayna Neises: Your tank is already empty.

[00:08:53] Tonja Moon: I want someone to meet me where I am with a cheeseburger and that never happened.

[00:08:57] Rayna Neises: Give me an ice cream sundae any day of the week.

[00:09:00] Tonja Moon: yeah, I mean it’s just tough. It’s just tough. And so we’re talking about gratitude and those are the times right now that I think it’s so hard to practice gratitude.

[00:09:10] Rayna Neises: It is. I agree. Joining them where they are helps us to do that for sure, but we definitely have to be intentional. And we’re going to talk here in a minute about an article that I wrote that gives us a tool to use, to be able to practice some gratitude and be able to take those tough times and see them from a little different angle.

[00:09:31] So hang on, don’t leave us. We’ll be back.

[00:09:34]

[00:11:15] Rayna Neises: welcome back. We were talking about gratitude month. This is the month to really focus in on gratitude. And I found this really cool tool that we want to talk about.

[00:11:25] Studies indicate that positive appreciative attitudes, they definitely contribute to greater success in all areas of our life, from our work life to our overall health and wellbeing. And definitely as caregivers, it can help us in our journey. Maintaining that consistent practice of gratitude can be really hard.

[00:11:44] Like we were talking about our attention often gravitates toward what’s broken, undone or lacking. And it kind of overshadows the abundance that we have in our lives. So to harness that full healing potential of gratitude, it has to really transcend the status of where we actually are. And we have to develop a habit of being able to practice gratitude.

[00:12:09] Tonja Moon: It brings to mind a scripture, “give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” First Thessalonians 5:18. And that scripture just reminds us of the importance of gratitude, not as a passive acceptance of circumstances, but as an active engagement, really in all aspects life, but recognizing that them as opportunities and blessings. If it’s not habitual, it is just not going to happen. I mean, it really, really has to be a habit and intentional. So there’s this cool quote too, that I found that says, from Melody, Beatty, ” Gratitude unlocks the fulfillment of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order. Confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast and a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. “I was like, Oh my gosh, that’s just, how beautiful is that?

[00:13:11] Rayna Neises: So powerful and really true.

[00:13:14] Tonja Moon: Yeah, absolutely. And it just allows us to, uh, You know, a shift in focus. And when I think back in some of those times in my life, when I’ve been, depressed or sad or anxious, it really is all about the focus and where you’re putting your focus.

[00:13:32] Rayna Neises: It’s not really about ignoring the challenges or whatever it is that life’s throwing at you in the moment, whether it be, the person you’re caring for and a downturn in their, health or a situation that you’re frustrated with. It’s really learning how to make that shift and acknowledging that it’s still there, but really focusing and valuing the gifts of life and cultivating that sense of well being.

[00:13:55] Reminds me of another scripture, Colossians 3 15. It says,” let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts since as members of one body, we’re called to peace. And be thankful,” that thankful part, you know, that peace comes with finding that contentment and that thankfulness for what we have. And gratitude is definitely not an exercise in being naive, but rather it acknowledges the pain and the injustice in the world, but it embraces that goodness is in the middle of that as well.

[00:14:23] We don’t have to have either or, and like I mentioned before, that black and white thinking, we have a tendency to always think it has to be one or the other. And that’s where this tool comes in, that we’re going to talk a little bit more about is learning how to hold both and be okay that the fact that there are both and really learning to incorporate that gratitude into our daily lives as means.

[00:14:44] Actively seeking and acknowledging the good in the middle of all the trials. It really helps us to recognize and strengthen that we have what we’ve gained with our loved ones. I know one of the things that I talk about in caring for aging parents all the time is we will never have the amount of time we would never, our lives wouldn’t slow down enough to be with them. If they didn’t have these needs, if we weren’t in the process of walking them all the way home. That four and a half years with my dad, all the years before that in my life, I saw him and I spent time with him, but it was nothing like those three days a week that we were just so close and so involved in the moment together and taking care of his needs.

[00:15:32] Tonja Moon: Yeah, so true. You know, for me, I’ve gone through seasons where I think, I’m going to get up every day and I’m going to practice gratitude, or I’m going to, before my feet hit the floor, I’m going to really meditate, pray, and focus on things that I’m thankful for. And then I hit snooze and then I hit it again.

[00:15:55] And I think, okay, well I’ll do it tonight before I go to sleep. And then I’m exhausted. And you know, life gets in the way. Even just the simple act of stopping and being grateful in, A 30 second moment is so incredibly hard. It takes so much discipline. It takes a lot of discipline. And sometimes I think, God’s probably up there looking down going, can you just give me a little gratitude? I created the earth and the heavens and the galaxy. I’ve done all these things. Can I just get a little gratitude? And, you know, shame on us, but especially when you’re in a caregiving season, it is hard. And I have to admit, I was not good at it, especially in the caregiving season of caring for my grandmother. I just wasn’t it’s only really now that I can look back and think that. And be grateful for some of the things that happened, the good and the bad, all the times we had to move her, all the different situations we were in. And, you know, the negative things that were going on. It’s only now all these years later that I can look back and it’s probably a maturity thing to, a life experiences thing that I can look back and truly be grateful for that season. But it was hard. It was really hard.

[00:17:10] Rayna Neises: Yeah. And I think that’s part of where incorporating some of that practice, some of the consistency, I think even just the practice of thinking God for our food as we sit down and eat, it’s a time. It’s a practice. That we have a practice that’s hooked to something we do every day. So sometimes even if you think about when you brush your teeth at night, can I think of three things that I’m thankful for?

[00:17:32] That can be a practice that can be really easily added in because we know you’re going to brush your teeth. So stopping and brushing your teeth and just thinking while you do it, Oh, I’m going to be thankful. Okay, Lord. Today the weather was beautiful. I got to hang out with my grandkids or, I wanted this specific thing and they had it at the store, just those little things.

[00:17:51] If we can think of three things and just acknowledge them, it can really start to change that focus and really help us to pay closer attention to all the blessings that are in the middle of the hard stuff and it does have to become, that’s where it’s becoming just an everyday part of life.

[00:18:06] So let’s take a moment and kind of take a look at this simple tool.

[00:18:10] It’s called yes and and it has to do with improv. It’s kind of interesting because improv, the number one rule of improv comedy is you take what you’re given and you go to the next step. So you embrace the yes. And then you go to the next place. So it’s really created to help you enhance your ability to see the good in the challenging situations, to develop a deeper appreciation for the small blessings that are in your caregiving journey, strengthen your problem solving skills, because as you’re embracing the yes, You have to also figure out how to look at the and and fostering that well being overall so we’re gonna kind of start with taking a look at what the Yes, and looks like so we’re gonna just do this little role play together and we’re just gonna start off with Tonja this is the holiday season So many people are getting ready to travel and tell me five things about traveling that are a pain And that you do not like.

[00:19:09] Tonja Moon: Okay. Yeah. Crowds. I mean, I’m a people person, but I don’t want 10, 000 people around me. And, and this one, it’s just a weird Tonja thing, but, smells like, you know, the airport has that airport smell. And then when you’re waiting to get on the bus, that’ll take you to the car, where you parked your car, there’s all the exhaust smells. And then there’s all the people smells on the airplane. I know it’s awful. It’s definitely crowds smells. It’s expensive nowadays to travel. You know, people think, it’s too expensive to fly. So I’m going to drive. That’s very expensive. I mean, just the cost of traveling in itself is expensive. So that’s 3 things. I think the, I never feel prepared enough or packed enough only to find out I’m overpacked and the more I try to scale it down, the more anxiety it creates. So I just keep overpacking. And just the overall for me, The overall, I love to travel. I don’t love to travel during the holidays because it creates anxiety for me and anxiety, not just around the travel as in getting from A to B, but anxiety about the family.

[00:20:31] Rayna Neises: Like what you’re walking into.

[00:20:33] Tonja Moon: always that weird uncle or there’s always that the one that’s got all the issues that you’re like, okay. I mean, I love my family. If any of my family are, listen me, I love you. I can’t wait to see you at Christmas time. But, it creates anxiety.

[00:20:47] Yeah.

[00:20:48] Rayna Neises: So now let’s say yes, those things are all true. There’s a lot of people, there’s a lot of smells, it’s not cheap. There’s that having to prepare and question, am I prepared and did I bring the right things and did I not? And then the unknown. Of who’s going to be there and is everybody going to get along? And is there going to be any tension in the midst of it? Yes, yes, those things are true. And let’s talk about what’s good. So what’s good about traveling?

[00:21:15] Tonja Moon: So the good about traveling is the excitement because I love change and I love excitement, so I love a change of scenery. In talking about gratitude and thankfulness in general, I’m thankful that I have the ability financially to be able to, if I want to fly, I can fly. If I want to drive, I can afford to that’s gigantic blessing. So my yes would be that I don’t look, I worry about costs. I’m not going to take like, you know. First class to the rich or anything like that. But if I need to jump a cheap Southwest flight to somewhere, I can do that. So I’m thankful that I have the ability to do that. And then, thinking about looking at the list, I just made, and walking into the unknown and the family dynamics, that’s the whole reason we go It’s for the connections to make the memories to see the family, and I love that. I do love that part. I love, I love once I’m there and being settled in and. Taking a deep breath and being able to kind of be in the moment with the family and and catch up with everyone. I love that. And then I’m writing, I’m looking at the list that I wrote down about the smells.

[00:22:35] I know that sounds so weird to people, but if I look at it from a different perspective, because that’s what gratitude is, right? You’re, you’re changing your perspective. So if I look at it from a different perspective, I recall as a child or young adult, when my grandmother was still alive. Walking into her home on Christmas and being overwhelmed by the smells and nothing at any other time of the year replaces those yummy smells of all the cooking that was going on when my grandmother was alive.

[00:23:06] You know, we didn’t have all these, like. We probably did, but she didn’t. These, wonderful Bath and Body Works candles and all this kind of stuff. But, you know, you kind of had a vanilla candle and that was it. Or you had a candle that smelt like a Christmas tree. That was it. And I just, I remember that smell of those candles and her cooking.

[00:23:28] And that’s just never a smell that can be recreated. And that was the only time of year you could get it. And so, Those are all things I look back and I’m, I’m thankful for. But if the perspective is turned a different way, they were also negatives.

[00:23:43] Rayna Neises: Yep. And that’s the whole goal of this activity is that if you take the time to list the things that you don’t like, and then list the things that you do like, they actually are kind of two sides of the same coin. Aren’t they? There’s blessings in the middle of the struggles. Yes, the smells are there in a negative way and other people. But at the same time, smell can be such a blessing when you walk into that place that just brings back so many great memories. So I love the process of really starting to think about it as that perspective shift and thinking about how you can use this tool. Yes. And to not ignore reality and the things that are hard.

[00:24:23] But add the end and find the blessing in it. So stick around and we’ll be right back to learn more about activities and gratitude that you can do with those you’re caring for.

[00:24:32] Tonja Moon: The Grandbaby Project is a non profit organization dedicated to enriching the lives of those with dementia one couple at a time through the innovative use of dementia doll therapy. In a world where every moment matters, The Grandbaby Project brings a beacon of light and love to those navigating the journey of dementia.

[00:24:52] Imagine a gift that opens doors to joy. Connection and cherished memories, even in the midst of challenges. Our therapy dolls are more than just companions. They’re catalysts for moments of happiness and peace for your loved one living with dementia. Crafted with care, our dolls offer comfort, Evoke nurtured instincts and spark delightful interactions.

[00:25:15] Join us in embracing the future where empathy, compassion, and innovative care redefine the dark journey of dementia. The grand baby project where we go beyond memories. We cultivate compassion and inspire action. Discover how you can make a difference at the grandbabyproject. org.

[00:25:39] Rayna Neises: So thanks for coming back. So we’ve been talking about improv and some ways that you can use that in your caregiving. We want to talk about some specific activities about gratitude since this is our gratitude month. I know it’s the end of the month, but we want to extend it all the way through and really make it just an everyday thing. So using those techniques with the yes and improv go so well with dementia. And caring for somebody. You want to try not to correct. And we’ve talked about that.

[00:26:04] You’re going to hear it over and over again, but in improv, when you’re up there on stage, you’re not going to tell somebody else. That’s not right, right? You’re just going to take the yes and move on. So you have to learn to go with the flow. Another thing that improv teaches us is be okay with silence.

[00:26:23] And one of the things we don’t think a lot about with people in dementia is how overstimulated they can become. And sometimes silence is just what they need. So it’s not a silence that we’re ignoring. It’s not a silence that we’re picking up our phone and engaging in something else. It’s a silence of just being present with them and then allowing them time to process and to really be able to think through what’s happening.

[00:26:48] So learning how To do some of those skills from improv, I think are so powerful and can be such a great habit to start to create. Let’s talk about some other activities that we can do to grow our gratitude, Tonja.

[00:27:03] Tonja Moon: Well, I would love to take credit for this, but, I actually saw it on Pinterest and I just thought it was the neatest thing. So, you know, when you’re at your table, whether it’s just you and your spouse or the whole family’s at the table to line the table with butcher paper and Go around at the place setting.

[00:27:24] I mean, listen, we eat on paper plates every night around my house, but, and just, with a Sharpie or a pen at each place setting, right. Number one, two, three, and just literally right on the butcher board. What are three things you’re grateful for? And when people sit down, have them write it and then elicit conversation around that.

[00:27:41] And I was like, okay, that is so simple, but that is the coolest idea ever. I mean, how sweet is that?

[00:27:47] I remember one time visiting my grandmother when she was, In skilled nursing, and she was pretty far progressed in her dementia, and I knew nothing about dementia, and so I remember asking her, tell me three things about your day. Well, I didn’t realize that she couldn’t do that.

[00:28:09] You know, I, I didn’t know I was not educated. I didn’t know. And so, she came up with these three random things. And one was like, I miss my dog.

[00:28:19] Rayna Neises: Oh,

[00:28:20] Tonja Moon: We had put a bird feeder outside her window and she would always point to the birds.

[00:28:25] But anyway, back to your question about just some other things, I think, so she’s been gone almost 17 years, but I have that memory of her.

[00:28:34] And so, and it was a precious one to me for some reason, , it’s just something that sticks out in my head. And so. As you’re caregiving for someone, you can practice ways of gratitude with them, and just like you always say, Rayna, just meet them where they are in those answers that they give you, because you’ll think back on them and they will bring you, comfort. She couldn’t tell me what she was thankful for. She just told me three things. The birds, I’m sure one was chocolate because that was just the last year of her life. But I think that sometimes we get really wrapped up in trying to do the perfect thing and we just don’t sit with what we get. At least I do. But those are some of the most precious times that I have with my grandmother is when she wasn’t making any sense and looking back, I’m grateful that I had the opportunity just to sit in that now when I didn’t then, if that makes sense.

[00:29:34] But I love the idea on Pinterest and you can go into Pinterest and type in gratitude and a million different little fun exercises come up that you can do, which is what I typically do before I plan an event.

[00:29:48] Rayna Neises: Yeah. So gratitude. Gratitude is something that we want to incorporate in everyday life, but sometimes those special things of just initiating the conversation can make such the difference. And as we’re caring for, we know the progression’s different. And so it might be just something that you have to remember what they loved and actually bring that back to their memory and do that reminiscence. That can really be helpful.

[00:30:11] Definitely being able to focus on and think about gratitude. It’s easier in the month of November because everyone’s talking about it. But we want you to walk away with tools and ideas of how you can have appreciation all year long because it will give you more resilience and help you throughout this journey.

[00:30:30] You’re going to need it and so you might as well start incorporating it now, wherever you are in your caregiving season. So thank you for joining us today for Granny’s Talkin Dementia. It’s been a joy to have some fun, share some stories, and hopefully offer you some great tips on gratitude.

[00:30:45] We always want to leave you with a blessing. And so This is what we want to leave you with today. It comes from Isaiah chapter 40 verse one “comfort of comfort. My people says your God.” May the Lord comfort you and your loved ones in every season of life. Just as he promised in Isaiah 40 verse one, May you renew your strength, uplift your spirits and fill your hearts with peace. As you navigate the journey of dementia with grace and faith, remember you are not alone. The Lord is with you, providing comfort and guidance every step of the way. May his love and mercy surround you, bringing solace to your soul and light to your path. Amen.

[00:31:26] Rayna Neises: Amen

We would love to hear your thoughts!

Leave a comment below.

Meet Our Hosts

Our podcast is guided by the dynamic duo, Tonja and Rayna, who bring a wealth of knowledge and charm to every episode. With their combined expertise, they delve deep into each topic, ensuring an engaging and informative experience for our listeners.

Tonja Moon
Tonja Moon

Host & Founder of The Grand Baby Project

With a heart as big as her smile, Tonja Moon brings a lifetime of wisdom and a knack for storytelling to “Grannies Talkin’ Dementia.” Founder of THE GRAND BABY PROJECT; a non-profit organization founded in my grandmother’s honor is focused on enriching the lives of Seniors living with dementia through the innovative use of dementia doll therapy. Through DES educating staff in Senior Care Communities and caregivers at home on the innovative techniques and research benefits related to doll therapy. Tonja’s faith has been her anchor, and she shares her experiences with a blend of humor, honesty, and hope, aiming to support and uplift others.

Rayna Neises
Rayna Neises

Host & Certified Coach and Author

As a Caregiving Coach, Author, and someone who has personally navigated the waters of caregiving for both of her parents who passed away from Alzheimer’s disease, bringing a wealth of knowledge and a compassionate heart to “Grannies Talkin’ Dementia.” Married to a farmer and a grandmother to delightful grandchildren who call me Graham, life is a blend of personal caregiving experiences and professional expertise. On mission to support family caregivers, especially Christian professional women, balancing caregiving and career with grace and faith. Practical, faith-filled, and always aimed at providing support and encouragement is Rayna’s calling card.

New Podcast Released 2nd & 4th Thursday

Grannies Talkin Dementia Podcast
Copyright © 2025 Grannies Talkin' Dementia. All Rights Reserved.
An Introduction to Grannies Talkin’ Dementia: Whimsical Wisdom and Faith in Caregiving

An Introduction to Grannies Talkin’ Dementia: Whimsical Wisdom and Faith in Caregiving

An Introduction to Grannies Talkin' Dementia

Real-Life Wisdom

Insights from grannies’ caregiving journeys, offering love, resilience, and faith-based advice.

Community and Connection

Building a supportive network for sharing experiences and fostering connections.

Faith-Focused Approach

Incorporating spirituality in dementia care, with scriptural insights and a blessing each episode.

Our Latest Episode

Key Takeaways

Whimsical Wisdom and Faith in Caregiving

In this introductory episode of ‘Grannies Talking Dementia,’ hosts Rayna Neises and Tonja Moon share their personal experiences with dementia caregiving, covering powerful stories of their loved ones, the critical role of faith, and practical tips for caregivers.

Supported by The Grandbaby Project, they introduce the concept of using therapy dolls and the importance of maintaining humor and joy in the caregiving journey.

The episode emphasizes the mission to inspire, educate, and provide a sense of community and compassion for both family and professional caregivers.

00:00 Welcome to Grannies Talking Dementia

00:45 Rayna’s Personal Journey with Dementia

04:21 Tonja’s Story and The Grandbaby Project

08:00 The Therapeutic Power of Dementia Dolls

10:32 Faith, Laughter, and Caregiving Wisdom

12:50 Conclusion and Blessings

Resources and Futher Reading

The Grand Baby Project

Tonja’s nonprofit bringing comfort and purpose to those living with dementia through dementia doll therapy.

Dementia Engagement Strategies

The only dementia doll therapy training available in the United States.

A Season of Caring

Rayna’s Coaching Services, Resources, Workshops and Dementia Education.

No Regrets: Hope for Your Caregiving Season

In this comforting book Rayna offers practical tips and personal stories that help us walk our parents all the way to the end of their life while still having a life to walk back into.

By being intentional throughout the process, she explains, we can hold on to faith, manage fear—and provide the best possible care for both ourselves and our loved ones.

We would love to hear your thoughts!

Leave a comment below.

Meet Our Hosts

Our podcast is guided by the dynamic duo, Tonja and Rayna, who bring a wealth of knowledge and charm to every episode. With their combined expertise, they delve deep into each topic, ensuring an engaging and informative experience for our listeners.

Tonja Moon
Tonja Moon

Host & Founder of The Grand Baby Project

With a heart as big as her smile, Tonja Moon brings a lifetime of wisdom and a knack for storytelling to “Grannies Talkin’ Dementia.” Founder of THE GRAND BABY PROJECT; a non-profit organization founded in my grandmother’s honor is focused on enriching the lives of Seniors living with dementia through the innovative use of dementia doll therapy. Through DES educating staff in Senior Care Communities and caregivers at home on the innovative techniques and research benefits related to doll therapy. Tonja’s faith has been her anchor, and she shares her experiences with a blend of humor, honesty, and hope, aiming to support and uplift others.

Rayna Neises
Rayna Neises

Host & Certified Coach and Author

As a Caregiving Coach, Author, and someone who has personally navigated the waters of caregiving for both of her parents who passed away from Alzheimer’s disease, bringing a wealth of knowledge and a compassionate heart to “Grannies Talkin’ Dementia.” Married to a farmer and a grandmother to delightful grandchildren who call me Graham, life is a blend of personal caregiving experiences and professional expertise. On mission to support family caregivers, especially Christian professional women, balancing caregiving and career with grace and faith. Practical, faith-filled, and always aimed at providing support and encouragement is Rayna’s calling card.

New Podcast Released 2nd & 4th Thursday

Grannies Talkin Dementia Podcast
Copyright © 2025 Grannies Talkin' Dementia. All Rights Reserved.

Grannies Talkin' Dementia Podcast